Oh Hello Blog...it's been a while hasn't it? It's finally arrived - my last year of school. Not just my last year at my University, but possibly my last year ever. I can't remember not being in school, so something about this just doesn't feel right. You know what else doesn't feel right - my complete lack of fear and worry regarding the fact that I really have no idea where I am going to be in a year from now.
GRADUATE SCHOOL? I never grew up thinking I would go to Grad School, but why not? I like school and I can push myself to work really hard. Graduate School is a possibility, but one that is slipping every day I get closer to the dreaded application deadlines. GRE studying is way on the back burner, not to mention I have no idea what I'd want to study in Grad School (which I hear is kind of an important part of applying). You want me to just choose one specific thing? Are you crazy? The idea of taking a year off is sounding more pleasing each passing day.
MARRIED? You know, I had a beautiful summer....but now it is Fall and just like the leaves, everything changes. Suddenly, I find myself envying the couples around campus and missing the joy of caring about someone. I can't foresee any immediate change to this current lonely situation. Sure, I am hoping for some good first dates to come along, but I just can't imagine being in love again for a while. Healing takes time, and let's face it...I'm not one to jump into anything fast. Since I have an "all seasons and a trip" rule for myself, I would seriously need to meet the man I am supposedly marrying next year in the next few months in order to be able to spend a year with him before we get married. But really, I am only 21 and there is no rush to bind myself with a ring.
TRAVELING AND TAKING SOME TIME FOR ME? Boy, doesn't this sound nice? I've always wanted to audition to be in some community theater shows, but I never have time because of school. Maybe, I could actually do some of these things I've always wanted to try, but never had time! Why not travel around and get some good life experience before I am tied down to a job that doesn't offer summer breaks? I'll tell you one good reason why not...money and the fact that I am an adult now and need to grow up and face the music. (However dissident it may sound).
INTERNSHIP/ JOB / APPLYING TO GRAD SCHOOL? I suppose this is probably the most reasonable option. Working experience is good for Grad school applications right? Maybe as I try out a few jobs, I'll get a better idea of what I really want to focus on in my graduate work. Wouldn't a year long Paid Internship at the National Gallery of Art be divine? I think so, that is why I am applying...but I really have no hopes of getting hired. (But, it is always worth a shot right?)
There are a lot of things I don't know right now and that should probably scare me, but for some reason I am surprisingly calm. I guess my optimism that things will work out and fall into place is going to win out for right now. With all these variables, my life could really go multiple ways right now. I don't feel in control...and that scares me. BUT - there are many things I do know.
I know that my family is always going to have my back no matter what
I know that this semester is going to be difficult, but so rewarding in the end
I know that the view from my Apartment window is gorgeous
I know that I love Fall
I know that I will at least be somewhere this time next year and that I am determined to be happy wherever that somewhere is.
I know my friends stand by me and will continue to do so
I know I am capable of great things and should steer away from comparing myself to my academic competition all the time.
I know that no matter how stormy my mind and my life get, Jesus Christ is a solid anchor.
I know who I am, I know where I came from, and I know where I want to end up...I just don't know how I am going to go about getting there. But, maybe that is the fun part. So here's to a fun last year full of decisions and surprises! Welcome aboard...it's going to be great!
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