Sunday, December 8, 2013

Dear Me

I like to write letters.
Sometimes I write letters that I never actually send.
I find it therapeutic and helpful in expressing and understanding my feelings.
Sometimes I write letters to myself.
Here's one I found today... dated April 18th 2013

Dear Jenny,

     Good job finishing another semester! Sure, that research paper probably needed one more look over, but maybe the score will pleasantly surprise you. You've got your first final tomorrow and I hope you do a fantastic job. But whatever scores you get, you've learned a whole lot more than that number represents.This was a crazy semester and I'm proud of you for making it. You did a lot of hard things, but both of us know you did not do them alone. I'm sorry to say that more hard things are bound to come. You've got a lot of big decisions still ahead of you, but don't be afraid.  You can make the right decision. You know how...Trust in that!
      It's ok to be scared and it's ok to feel lonely sometimes, but know that ultimately you are so very taken care of and surrounded by love. Love can still be magical and beautiful even if you are not dating anyone. And, speaking of that, remember that you are very young and still have lots of experiences coming ahead. Better things are on their way. Be an optimist and happiness will find you!

     I know you feel unsure about the future, but relish in the possibility of possibility. The world is your oyster...go get your pearl! Don't let anyone put you down or make you feel like you've sold out. You are an amazing woman. You are talented and so smart. You are capable of doing anything (well, maybe not computer programming---But, I bet you could learn!)

      Did you know that you are so lucky? How many people have had the education that you have? How many people have had the opportunity to travel like you have? How many people have enjoyed a family-love like the one your family has? You are going to do great and inspiring things. AIM BIG!!!! Don't forget your purpose and the way God sees you. Reread your patriarchal blessing if you need a reminder.

     You are beautiful. Even though you feel chubby and out of shape right now, you are beautiful. You'll wish you still had this body years from now. Someone will recognize your body for its beauty someday and he is worth waiting for! There will be more than one boy who will ever love you, and you are capable of falling in love again too. It will be beautiful and sparkling again. Just be patient and don't let yourself go while you wait.

    So here's to us - you and me. Good luck with finals! Just do your best and move forward. Get good sleep, eat a good breakfast, and breathe. You are almost there...did I mention that you get to sleep in your "big girl" bed for a straight five days next week? Heaven!!!! Now go get 'em done!

   I love you. I know your great potential and the depth of your heart. Let's stay best friends ok? Thanks.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

What can I give him?

"What can I give him?
Poor as I am.
If I were a Shepherd, I would bring a Lamb. 
If I were a Wise man, I would do my part.
Yet, what I can- I give him.
Give my heart" 

"In the Bleak Midwinter" is one of those Christmas carols that isn't played on the radio often, but I adore it. Even though it likely wasn't snowy or midwinter when Christ was actually born, I don't think that matters much. Even if the earth wasn't "hard as iron, water like a stone", I feel that sometimes our hearts are that way - frozen, hardened, cold, and with one good hit - shards of ice. But, when we give our heart away, or simply open it to let in the love from others...warmth engulfs us. 

Angels and arch angels may have gathered at Christ's birth. Kings in royal regalia and shepherds with wet earth on their shoes knelt before him. If I had been there, what would I have given the babe? Yes, my heart--with all its longing and love. But, what else? It's an interesting thought. I suppose I would give him a smile, a kiss, and a lullaby.

What will you bring the babe in the manger? Merry Christmas