With Closed Eyes

Today was the first day I deemed warm enough to eat and study outside. The inviting bench on campus beckoned me to sit and bask in the warmth of the glorious sunshine. Wearing black pants and a black pea coat, I felt like a bread roll warmly baking in a black stove. As I sat there eating my yogurt and staring at my class notes, the sun's warmth caressed my face and neck. Before I knew it, I was closing my eyes and simply drinking in the warmth surrounding me. I had closed my eyes almost without thinking, and began to wonder why closing my eyes seemed so automatic. It couldn't be that the sun was just too bright. I began to think of all the situations where I find myself automatically closing my eyes like this.

I close my eyes like this every time I go to the hair salon. It's automatic for me as soon as the warm water splashes over my head and the hair dresser's fingers dig circular motions deep into my scalp. It's the same thing when my roommate comes up behind me and surprises me with a back and neck massage. I seem to succumb to the relaxation by closing my eyes. Maybe this is because I associate relaxation with sleeping, which I do with my eyes closed.

My eyelids close automatically when I take a deep whiff of plump roses. I'm sure I could smell flowers just as easily with my eyes open, but for some reason I still want to close them. When I taste something beyond the word "delicious", I accompany some inaudible sigh with closed eyes. In the midst of listening to a symphony, I find myself closing my eyes in hopes that I'll be able to interpret the music better. And from what I can gather, like most people, I close my eyes when I kiss. So maybe I choose to relinquish my sight in order to strengthen the other senses of smell, taste, sound, and touch.

Other moments I find myself with closed eyes include times where I send out the desires of my heart. When I'm praying to God, making wishes on stars and birthday cakes, thinking deeply trying to find that "light bulb" moment, and even when I'm really connecting with a song that I'm performing to my mirror and hairbrush microphone. Maybe I close my eyes when I am digging deep within myself.

I don't know all the psychological reasoning behind why my eyelids closed today, but I feel like I discovered a little bit more about myself as I pondered with closed eyes.