An EFY experience

These last four weeks I have been working as a counselor with EFY (Especially for Youth). This program is a week long experience put on by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints to help youth (ages 14-18) come closer to Christ as well as have a whole lot of fun! 

Honestly, I came into this EFY experience having just graduated and feeling uncertain about my future decisions. EFY was my only stable certainty. But, now i'm leaving it a completely different woman. I feel changed. Although my actual situation hasn't changed much at all, I am filled with hope, trust, joy, love, and peace. 

It's hard to sum up four weeks like i've had, but i'm gonna try: 

4 weeks, 2 campuses, 1 broken shoe, 2 broken fans, 1 broken pair of sunglasses

46 beautiful young women I call my own

2 Counselor Polo shirts 

1 sun hat

10 Bloody Noses

6 Co-Counselors 

4 pizza nights, games nights, and talent shows

8 crazy dance fests

3 opportunities to sing

18+ firesides 

24 days of Cafeteria Food

5 Testimony Meetings

8 Classes attended

24 days waking up at 6 am or earlier 

2 Firework shows missed

2 Handkerchiefs well-used

I can't put a number to the amount of times I prayed, read my scriptures, bore my testimony, led a line of young boys escorting girls to and from the U of U institute, smiled, laughed, cried, and was way too sweaty. But, honestly the most amazing thing about EFY for me cannot be measured with numbers or events. 

Yes, the youth are amazing even amidst their lack of focus and occasional immaturity. They are strong girls and boys going through some very difficult trials with hope and a firmness of faith. 

I learned from them all the time, but I also learned with them. In each fireside, class, and activity, I became the participant. I became the youth this program is especially for. In my hoping to bring these kids closer to their savior and to a knowledge that their Heavenly Father loves them, I subsequently found myself applying the atonement in my life like never before. I lost myself these last 4 weeks. My fears and insecurities were gone and I was stripped down to my pure eternal essence. I received answers to prayers, my heart healed, I learned lessons, and I grew "firmer and firmer in the faith". 

It isn't a perfect program and I am not here to bear my testimony of EFY. However, I have seen what turning to Christ does for the youth as well as for myself these past four weeks. We change, we grow, we stretch, we enjoy, we discover,  and we become. 

Too School for Cool

 It's happening. I knew it would eventually happen, but now that I am here it just doesn't feel right. I've been a student for seventeen years.

 In all honesty, I don't remember much of those four-five years before I entered kindergarten, so school as really been all I've ever known in some ways. Sure, I'll admit that there have been those days where I whined about homework, tests, teachers, etc. but all in all I really always loved school.

Even now as I walk across campus for what might be my last time as a student, I love the feeling that I belong here. I love the backpack on my back, the books in my hand, sitting at the desk and unloading my water bottle, notebook, and pen automatically. I thrive on the "I'm-in-the-zone" writing phase where words seem to pour out into 5, 10, 15 page papers as time ticks by. The wonderful feeling when you press the "print" button and realize you just added something to the world.

Looking back on it, maybe I was a bit too school for cool. I was a student first and foremost. I didn't do many wild and crazy things like most college students. Perhaps I missed out...but I think if I had it all to do over again, I know I still would have given it my all. I'm here to learn after all, and I certainly learned a lot. In the classroom I learned how to think and analyze, I learned how to not be afraid of research papers, I learned about the world, I learned about the sky, I learned about the gospel, geology, politics, history, the scriptures, literature, art, music, photography, film, folk dance, tap dance, marriage, child development, mythology, and the list goes on and on.

But perhaps the better list is the list of what I learned outside of the classroom. To do it complete justice, I would have to blog about each bullet point separately and add many more bullet points, but here goes nothing;

• I learned about friendships- the ones that stick together through all the hard times and make every day worth while.
• I learned about families - the way they rally together to help one another and the way I've totally taken for granted the amazing family I have. 
• I learned about myself- I came into my own- so to speak. I discovered my identity outside of "the singer," "the nice girl", or even "the student." I have passions, dreams, hopes, fears, and all of them create a special me. 
• I learned the joy of Zumba dancing and cooking
• I learned how to lip trill :) 
• I learned that it is ok to be spontaneous every now and then. 
• I learned that I'm stronger than I thought 
• I learned the power of hope and faith in the midst of trials 
• I learned that I can overcome fears 
• I learned the joy of frozen grapes and British herbal teas
• I learned that I can juggle work, school, friends, family, exercise, sleep, and do it gracefully!

The list goes on! It's sad that my career as a student may be coming to a close, but they say that Every New Beginning Comes from Some other Beginning's end. So here's to beginning something new. Something unknown and exciting. At least I can find comfort in the knowledge that I'm bound to continue learning and growing even outside the classroom. So here I am- Jennifer Thorup BYU Graduate! 

Weddings, Weddings, Weddings...

"Human Nature is so well disposed toward those who are in interesting situations, that a young person, who either marries or dies, is sure of being kindly spoken of" - Jane Austen (Emma)

I have had the pleasure of reading an Austen novel a week for class this term. Interestingly enough, each novel has ended in about the same way my weeks have ended...in a marriage! Since the end of April, I have received, and covered my refrigerator with, 11 wedding invitations. Granted, I was not able to attend all 11 wedding receptions, but during May I averaged at least one a week. 

Despite being single, I actually love weddings. I remember once accompanying my mother to a wedding reception of someone I apparently met when I was three. I had no emotional connection to them at all, and yet as I stood there watching the father of the bride toast his beautiful daughter, I began crying. No--weeping. A lady next to me passed me a kleenex asking how I knew the bride (Surely assuming I was an intimate relation), but I didn't have the heart to explain that I didn't know her at all. 

Still, it's not just the beautiful observation of two people wholly in love. It is the total package: the food, the flowers, the dress, the music, the dancing. I love LOVE and a party completely in celebration of love is my idea of a great time. I like the little wedding traditions, but in all my wedding-going days I have never caught the bouquet.

Since I would be attending so many weddings this season, I decided to challenge myself to attempt to catch the bouquet at each wedding I attended. For the first few weddings, I played with the various positions of "in the front", "the middle", " the back", "the side", etc. in hopes of discovering the secret technique. I did this without positive result. 

One wedding I reached my arm in front of another girl with the knowledge that I could easily snatch it from her path if I wanted, but it was the bride's best friend and maid of honor! Isn't it more fitting for her to catch the bouquet than me? 

Bouquet after bouquet was tossed and each time I came back empty handed. Finally, at a dear friend's wedding I saw my chance: There I was, in the back with no one around me to compete against. What were these other girls thinking pushing to the front? The bride has always been athletic and she is going to have a great toss. I just knew that it was finally my turn. The bouquet left her hands and (as if in slow motion) made a perfect path toward me. I felt the flowers in my fingers and saw my long awaited victory, but before my fingers could wrap tightly around the bouquet, it was gone. 

Out of nowhere a young boy had darted toward me and snatched the bouquet out of my grasp taking off in a dead run into the gardens. (Did that seriously just happen?) 

Another bouquet was tossed as a "do-over", which of course went to a different girl and I stood there dumbfounded wondering how in a split second I had gone from feeling the flowers in my hands to watching it snatched away by a little boy running into the distance. 

Maybe it just isn't meant to be. I'm not going to be the next one married. Maybe it's because I am not aggressive enough, and perhaps that is the very reason I am not the one tossing the bouquet. Who knows. 

My dear friend Jane Austen has pointed out that "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife." (Pride and Prejudice) And Yet, 'There certainly are not so many men of large fortune in the world, as there are pretty women to deserve them" (Mansfield Park). 

I have at least one more wedding left and one more chance at the bouquet, but if it's not my time that is alright. I'm enjoying the weddings and getting some great ideas for one of my own in some future date. Check out what i've gathered for my own perfect spring/summer wedding. Wish me luck on the bouquet toss!

I Dwell in Possibility

-So Jenny, now that you are graduating college in two months, what are you going to do after that?

- Good Question. I don't really know. There are so many possibilities...

I suppose you could call this my most recent mantra. I can't claim credit for it though because it comes from this poem by Emily Dickinson

I dwell in Possibility-- 

A fairer House than Prose-- 

More numerous of Windows-- 

Superior--for Doors--

Of Chambers as the Cedars-- 

Impregnable of Eye-- 

And for an Everlasting Roof 

The Gambrels of the Sky--

Of Visitors--the fairest-- 

For Occupation--This-- 

The spreading wide my narrow Hands 

To gather Paradise--

If you were hoping I was going to enlighten you on what this poem means, I am sorry. I really have no clue despite my love of analyzing poems. Your guess is about as good as mine. However, I can tell you what it means for me. 

I really love the last three lines of the poem. Mostly because people keep asking me what job I want to do when I finally decide to grow up. "For My occupation--this!" This, the spreading wide of my narrow hands to gather paradise. This, the experiencing everything life has to offer. This, the discovery of my marrow of life...this, will be my occupation. If only right? Sadly, money and your place in society will always act as a sure reality check for us idealists. And yet...

I dwell in Possibility.

I dwell in the possibility that these next two months might be my last as a student

I dwell in the possibility of graduate school 

I dwell in the possibility of a real career with real responsibility

I dwell in the possibility of still being young 

I dwell in taking time to explore and discover

I dwell in the possibility of travel

I dwell in the possibility of new and scary

I dwell in the possibility of old and comfortable 

I dwell in the possibility that lightning could strike

I dwell in the possibility of being happy even if i'm just blown by the wind

I dwell in the possibility of endless possibilities. 

I realize that my unknown future might connote that I am unplanned and unprepared. This is not who I am, and I don't want to reflect that. You should see my planner -I plan out my days, my weeks, my months, but I never planned for this. I never prepared to be graduating from college, single, and with no carefully crafted plan made for my new life. And so I suppose I am unplanned, but I don't feel completely unprepared. I simply dwell in Possibility. 

i carry your heart

Our Women's Chorus theme this semester is "i carry your heart" taken from the poem by e.e. Cummings which you can read by clicking here. For our upcoming concert, we gave this text to a composer to create a never before done piece for us. 

I had loved this poem before this semester, and waited in anticipation to sing such a beautiful love song. 

However, when my conductor started playing the first few chords of the piece- pink and fresh in our hands, I knew instantly that this avant-gaurde piece would not be the classic love poem I had remembered. 

It was heavy 

It was eerie 

but it was still somehow very beautiful.

In an instant, the poem changed. As I sang these dissonant chords and heard the heavy beating of the heart carried through the alto bar, I realized a new meaning of this poem. 

"i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) i am never without it"

This line is haunting. It has ran through my mind each night before I go to sleep.

Carrying other people's hearts can be heavy at times. When someone you love is burdened down by illness, or temptation, or trial, we often want to take their hearts into our own. I have many hearts nestled in my own and I know how it feels to be "never without it." 

This carrying of one another's hearts and burdens is the true love poem. Christ said that we should "mourn with those that mourn and comfort those in need of comfort." By keeping others written on the fleshy tables of our hearts, I believe we do these things. And yet, it is heavy to carry another's heart at all times, especially if that heart is troubled with burdens. 

But- "Here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)"

CHRIST CARRIES MY HEART. HE CARRIES IT IN HIS HEART.

"And even to your old age I am he; and even to the hoar hairs will i carry you: I have made, and I will bear; even I will carry, and will deliver you" (Isaiah 46:4).

He is the true "tree of life." He carries my heavy heart even when it holds the weight of the hearts of others. He makes my burdened heart light

In Mosiah 24: 15 it says 

"and now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease"

He carries our hearts. 

Love Reunited: A Valentine's Day Post

Happy Valentines Day!!

I realize that it has been a while since I posted anything to my blog. I celebrated some wonderful birthday surprises, but also mourned to loss of my dear sweet Grandmother who passed away unexpectedly in January. I feel so blessed to have been able to spend so much of my life with my grandparents. I will always remember my sweet Grandma Glad's big smile and soft hands clasped in mine. 

I will certainly miss her, but I know she is reunited with her husband and that is worth celebrating! 

So....my Valentine's day post is for the joy of love reunited and a special focus on my sweet Grandma and Grandpa Wise. 

When a love goes away (whether for a mission, just a break in the relationship, school, a job, war, or death) it feels as if a part of our own heart is missing. The poet John Donne wrote of the parting of love:

" But we by a love so much refined, that ourselves know not what it is, Inter-assured of the mind,

Care less, eyes, lips and hands to miss.

Our two souls therefore, which are one,

though i must go, endure not yet a breach,

but an expansion,

Like gold to aery thinness beat."

Love is the most powerful magic in the world. It makes us happy, dizzy, warm, secure, giddy, hopeful, and sparkling! 

On the back of this photograph, my Grandma wrote "Rolly, the Love of my life" and dated it years before they ever got married. I love his joyful laughter and her teasing wind up to lovingly tap him on the shoulder undoubtedly for some teasing. 

Right after my grandparents were married, my grandpa was called off to war. World War II took many young men away from their sweet loves. 

My grandparents exchanged hundreds of letters. I remember once talking with my grandma about this special time. I was writing a missionary at the time and I loved hearing her stories of letters and love and the fear that her one and only may never return. I can only imagine the joy they both felt when they were reunited again. I imagine a long lingering hug. On leave, my grandpa came home to meet his new daughter.

After my Grandpa died, my Grandma missed him very much. She didn't know how to go on after loving someone so deeply for so long. I know that was difficult for her even though she was always surrounded by loving children and grandchildren. I know they are reunited now and happy to know they will never have to part again. What a thought! Here's to love that never ends and never dies. If it is parted, it is only for a brief moment. 

No matter how far apart we may temporarily be, 

"I carry your heart with me ( i carry it in my heart) i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)"

Till we are reunited Grandma and Grandpa, Happy Valentines!!! 

Ring in the New

It has been a wonderful Christmas break with my family and friends. I couldn't ask for a better break from school and work. In fact, I kind of don't want to go back next week.

I know I can't include everything I've done over the past few weeks, but I'll just show some highlights!

Christmas Choral Concerts

Singing in a choir at Christmas time is one of my favorite ways to celebrate the season.

Bangs!

I decided to try something bold this Christmas break. I've got a brand new life ahead of me this year as I graduate, so I thought I'd kick off the new year with a new look. 

Family Parties

The best part of Christmas time is being together with family. A Christmas party is never complete without a good Nativity reenactment and singing!

Children

My Mother always says that Christmas is for Children. I couldn't ask for any better kids to spend Christmas with...we'll be welcoming two more this year :)

Lights, Sweaters, Santa, and Food

  

Alex's Birthday, Movies, Games, and New Year

 I saw a lot of good movies both at home and in theaters this break. "Les Miserables," "The Hobbit," etc. were all fabulous! New Years always includes lots of games, but this year I also got to go to a dance at the U of U Institue. I'm not much for raucous partying, but dancing is one of my favorite things.

Happy 6th Birthday Alex!

Ring in 2013!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all! I hope your holiday season was as wonderful as mine. I'm sure you'll be seeing a new year's resolution post from me soon...if  I can get my act together enough to make some resolutions... :)