I Dwell in Possibility

-So Jenny, now that you are graduating college in two months, what are you going to do after that?

- Good Question. I don't really know. There are so many possibilities...

I suppose you could call this my most recent mantra. I can't claim credit for it though because it comes from this poem by Emily Dickinson

I dwell in Possibility-- 

A fairer House than Prose-- 

More numerous of Windows-- 

Superior--for Doors--

Of Chambers as the Cedars-- 

Impregnable of Eye-- 

And for an Everlasting Roof 

The Gambrels of the Sky--

Of Visitors--the fairest-- 

For Occupation--This-- 

The spreading wide my narrow Hands 

To gather Paradise--

If you were hoping I was going to enlighten you on what this poem means, I am sorry. I really have no clue despite my love of analyzing poems. Your guess is about as good as mine. However, I can tell you what it means for me. 

I really love the last three lines of the poem. Mostly because people keep asking me what job I want to do when I finally decide to grow up. "For My occupation--this!" This, the spreading wide of my narrow hands to gather paradise. This, the experiencing everything life has to offer. This, the discovery of my marrow of life...this, will be my occupation. If only right? Sadly, money and your place in society will always act as a sure reality check for us idealists. And yet...

I dwell in Possibility.

I dwell in the possibility that these next two months might be my last as a student

I dwell in the possibility of graduate school 

I dwell in the possibility of a real career with real responsibility

I dwell in the possibility of still being young 

I dwell in taking time to explore and discover

I dwell in the possibility of travel

I dwell in the possibility of new and scary

I dwell in the possibility of old and comfortable 

I dwell in the possibility that lightning could strike

I dwell in the possibility of being happy even if i'm just blown by the wind

I dwell in the possibility of endless possibilities. 

I realize that my unknown future might connote that I am unplanned and unprepared. This is not who I am, and I don't want to reflect that. You should see my planner -I plan out my days, my weeks, my months, but I never planned for this. I never prepared to be graduating from college, single, and with no carefully crafted plan made for my new life. And so I suppose I am unplanned, but I don't feel completely unprepared. I simply dwell in Possibility. 

i carry your heart

Our Women's Chorus theme this semester is "i carry your heart" taken from the poem by e.e. Cummings which you can read by clicking here. For our upcoming concert, we gave this text to a composer to create a never before done piece for us. 

I had loved this poem before this semester, and waited in anticipation to sing such a beautiful love song. 

However, when my conductor started playing the first few chords of the piece- pink and fresh in our hands, I knew instantly that this avant-gaurde piece would not be the classic love poem I had remembered. 

It was heavy 

It was eerie 

but it was still somehow very beautiful.

In an instant, the poem changed. As I sang these dissonant chords and heard the heavy beating of the heart carried through the alto bar, I realized a new meaning of this poem. 

"i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) i am never without it"

This line is haunting. It has ran through my mind each night before I go to sleep.

Carrying other people's hearts can be heavy at times. When someone you love is burdened down by illness, or temptation, or trial, we often want to take their hearts into our own. I have many hearts nestled in my own and I know how it feels to be "never without it." 

This carrying of one another's hearts and burdens is the true love poem. Christ said that we should "mourn with those that mourn and comfort those in need of comfort." By keeping others written on the fleshy tables of our hearts, I believe we do these things. And yet, it is heavy to carry another's heart at all times, especially if that heart is troubled with burdens. 

But- "Here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)"

CHRIST CARRIES MY HEART. HE CARRIES IT IN HIS HEART.

"And even to your old age I am he; and even to the hoar hairs will i carry you: I have made, and I will bear; even I will carry, and will deliver you" (Isaiah 46:4).

He is the true "tree of life." He carries my heavy heart even when it holds the weight of the hearts of others. He makes my burdened heart light

In Mosiah 24: 15 it says 

"and now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease"

He carries our hearts. 

Love Reunited: A Valentine's Day Post

Happy Valentines Day!!

I realize that it has been a while since I posted anything to my blog. I celebrated some wonderful birthday surprises, but also mourned to loss of my dear sweet Grandmother who passed away unexpectedly in January. I feel so blessed to have been able to spend so much of my life with my grandparents. I will always remember my sweet Grandma Glad's big smile and soft hands clasped in mine. 

I will certainly miss her, but I know she is reunited with her husband and that is worth celebrating! 

So....my Valentine's day post is for the joy of love reunited and a special focus on my sweet Grandma and Grandpa Wise. 

When a love goes away (whether for a mission, just a break in the relationship, school, a job, war, or death) it feels as if a part of our own heart is missing. The poet John Donne wrote of the parting of love:

" But we by a love so much refined, that ourselves know not what it is, Inter-assured of the mind,

Care less, eyes, lips and hands to miss.

Our two souls therefore, which are one,

though i must go, endure not yet a breach,

but an expansion,

Like gold to aery thinness beat."

Love is the most powerful magic in the world. It makes us happy, dizzy, warm, secure, giddy, hopeful, and sparkling! 

On the back of this photograph, my Grandma wrote "Rolly, the Love of my life" and dated it years before they ever got married. I love his joyful laughter and her teasing wind up to lovingly tap him on the shoulder undoubtedly for some teasing. 

Right after my grandparents were married, my grandpa was called off to war. World War II took many young men away from their sweet loves. 

My grandparents exchanged hundreds of letters. I remember once talking with my grandma about this special time. I was writing a missionary at the time and I loved hearing her stories of letters and love and the fear that her one and only may never return. I can only imagine the joy they both felt when they were reunited again. I imagine a long lingering hug. On leave, my grandpa came home to meet his new daughter.

After my Grandpa died, my Grandma missed him very much. She didn't know how to go on after loving someone so deeply for so long. I know that was difficult for her even though she was always surrounded by loving children and grandchildren. I know they are reunited now and happy to know they will never have to part again. What a thought! Here's to love that never ends and never dies. If it is parted, it is only for a brief moment. 

No matter how far apart we may temporarily be, 

"I carry your heart with me ( i carry it in my heart) i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)"

Till we are reunited Grandma and Grandpa, Happy Valentines!!! 

Ring in the New

It has been a wonderful Christmas break with my family and friends. I couldn't ask for a better break from school and work. In fact, I kind of don't want to go back next week.

I know I can't include everything I've done over the past few weeks, but I'll just show some highlights!

Christmas Choral Concerts

Singing in a choir at Christmas time is one of my favorite ways to celebrate the season.

Bangs!

I decided to try something bold this Christmas break. I've got a brand new life ahead of me this year as I graduate, so I thought I'd kick off the new year with a new look. 

Family Parties

The best part of Christmas time is being together with family. A Christmas party is never complete without a good Nativity reenactment and singing!

Children

My Mother always says that Christmas is for Children. I couldn't ask for any better kids to spend Christmas with...we'll be welcoming two more this year :)

Lights, Sweaters, Santa, and Food

  

Alex's Birthday, Movies, Games, and New Year

 I saw a lot of good movies both at home and in theaters this break. "Les Miserables," "The Hobbit," etc. were all fabulous! New Years always includes lots of games, but this year I also got to go to a dance at the U of U Institue. I'm not much for raucous partying, but dancing is one of my favorite things.

Happy 6th Birthday Alex!

Ring in 2013!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all! I hope your holiday season was as wonderful as mine. I'm sure you'll be seeing a new year's resolution post from me soon...if  I can get my act together enough to make some resolutions... :)

Christmas comes again...

It's amazing how the year flies by. 

I remember feeling like Christmas was always so far away when I was a kid, and now it sneak attacks me every time. 

Finals have come and gone again. And just like all the years before, I somehow find out I have more time than I think and that i'm better prepared than I realized. My roommate put this quote from Winnie the Pooh on our white board this week...

Promise me you'll always remember: You're BRAVER than you believe, and STRONGER than you seem, and SMARTER than you think 

However, I feel like this finals week over almost any other has really reiterated to me that people are always more important than papers and tests. Maybe it is because I am growing up and getting closer to graduating, but I was more willing to spend time being with friends who needed me than I was willing to lock myself up at my desk. Even if I didn't get a great grade on these tests (which I still hope I did), I don't think i'll ever look back and wish I would have studied more instead of taking time to care for someone or myself for that matter. 

And I feel like Christ would feel the same way. He was the epitome of focusing on people and relationships even when there was work and scheduled appointments. Isn't this time of year all about being more Christlike after all? 

I hope you spend some time this season with the people you love! 

The End of the Rainbow

Dear Blog,
I am sorry that I have ignored you this past little while. Life just passes by so quickly these days. Two holidays have come and gone - And I didn't even get to write a "Thankful" blog post. I can't believe I am already heading into finals next week. Finals are draining and sometimes I wish I could just take the Ostrich approach and stick my head in the ground, hide, and wait until Finals week passes. But, alas - I will take these tests and papers head on knowing that no matter what happens...I will be home with my family in a week preparing for Christmas to arrive.

I need to keep studying, but I thought I'd just share a special picture or two from a few weeks ago. It was a rainy day, and as I looked out my balcony - I noticed a beautiful rainbow.

You'll never guess what I found at the end of that rainbow!

They say there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but I think what I found is much more precious

Here's to Rainbows, symbols of a covenant, reminding us of the covenants made in the Temple (my own pot of Gold)

See you after Finals!

Delicious Autumn

I've realized that each Autumn I dedicate one blog post to the absolute bliss of autumn, so here's another one..

 I REALLY LOVE AUTUMN! 

Today was a rainy day and as far as the eye could see - were beautiful mountains covered in red leaves and misty clouds. 

I found my happy. I rediscovered my joy. It was genuine admiration over the beauty of fall. 

Welcome Autumn - and Welcome back joy! 

Bridal Veil Falls

 Besides the beautiful leaves, Autumn is Delicious. I love harvesting my garden full of Zucchini and I especially loved picking apples from the apple tree this year. Grace desperately wanted to bake an apple pie, so we did. mmmmmmm....homemade, fresh apple pie

Zucchini Pizza bites 

Gracie girl picking apples

"Delicious Autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive Autumns" - George Elliot